In the most recent episode of "
White Trash With Money Teen Mom OG" we saw minimal movement or growth from any of the characters (except for Farrah, actually). Every single week I wonder why I still write these recaps or watch this show, because it's honestly getting boring and predictable as fuck. However, I still hate myself more than Maci hates the concept of skin care, so here we are, back for another week to check in on what those fertile fucks are up to.
Amber
This week, we found Amber back in bed (SHOCKER) and still wearing her Erykah Badu headwrap. Honestly, I'm surprised her cyber
scam boutique hasn't crashed like Catlynn and Tyler's site with how many people must be clamoring to look and dress just like her. She looks as if she should be wearing a muumuu and waving a broom at the neighborhood kids, and this is a choice she's making. This episode, we were introduced to her cousin/friend who was able to put down the meth long enough to pick up a check from MTV for hanging out with Amber. Family first! Leah (the child Amber had like 6 plastic surgeries ago), is about to start school, and Amber has been so busy sitting in bed crying about Matt that she hasn't really spent any time with her over her summer break. Amber claims he CAN'T see Leah, because she can't be a good mother to her daughter if she's depressed about some dick she found on Twitter! DUH. Let's all just ignore the fact that maybe if she had been more worried about being a parent than scrolling social media for a man to steal her money, she wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Nevertheless, Amber decides to leave her bed and experience sunlight for the first time when she meets up with Gary and Kristina to see Leah off for her first day of school. Gary had to call Amber to make sure she was awake for the school drop off, much as my mother once called me when I was 16 to make sure I was awake on time to get to a dentist appointment. She complains about the sun blinding her while she drove and Gary's wife said what literally all of us were thinking, "yeah because she's used to the moon." The bed dweller mainly bitched about Matt all episode while Gary's wife raised her child. Heartwarming, truly.
Maci
In the Rhineland, Maci has been neglecting washing her makeup off and has instead fully dedicated all of her time and effort into whining about druggie baby daddy #1, Ryan, who is fresh out of
dropping out of completing rehab and refusing to take a drug test in order to see Bentley. For most people, if seeing their child were a priority and the only stipulation was, you know, NOT BEING ON FUCKING HEROINE, I'm pretty sure the choice would be easy. In Rhineland, he can't take a drug test because (despite "graduating" from rehab) "it's still in his system" (aka he's still using) so Maci is just the worst type of human for not wanting her son to be around the drugged up mess. Jen and Larry are visibly upset, mainly because they are the only ones who ever really took care of Bentley to begin with and they feel Maci should at least let their grandson spend time with them, even if their fuck up of a son isn't involved. I truly feel as though Jen is being reasonable about the situation, and understands where Maci is coming from. She just misses her grandson, and I'm sure she somewhat misses the other multiple gingers Maci has spawned and birthed in a pool of Bud Light, seeing as how she used to be Maci's go-to babysitter. I'm genuinely surprised Toucan Sam, Rhine's fiance didn't fly into the garage Jen and Larry were crying in to fake a look of concern for the cameras.
Back in the land of Mack Truck, she told Rhine she needed to go get a new dress, since the one she wore to their shotgun wedding Rhine barely remembers is full of tainted memories. She says the phrase every little girl dreams of saying about planning her wedding: "well I had all this time when you were in rehab..." before she explains to her
high as fuck husband that she needs to fly to Dallas to go get a white dress to wear for her second trip down the aisle. She asks Rhine if he wants to come with her and he snaps out of his drugged up state for a second to say no.
"Mackenzie, I can't see your dress before the wedding. I actually probably won't even see it at the wedding because my eyes will be closed for most of it due to drug use. Here, get the spoon and tie my arm."
At least, that's how I'm assuming it went off camera.
Anyway, the child Maci cares about started school and Rhine was nowhere to be heard from, and Mack Truck picked a wedding dress complete with beads and feathers, and honestly, it as plumage fit for the toucan queen she is.
Fuck these people WHY AM I SO INVESTED IN THIS FUCKING FRANCHISE.
Catelynn & Tyler
Literally the worst people on Earth continued to have the worst and most annoying storyline this week. This episode, Tyler and Cate were worried that the date Brandon and Theresa offered for them to visit with Carly conflicted with their family vacation (which I assume is a trip to WalMart since the two are step siblings). I mean, despite how important seeing Carly is to them, Tyler and Catelynn were really looking forward to their break from doing nothing, and they can't let Brandon and Theresa's need of structure get in the way of that. Luckily, the adoptive parents of their firstborn were willing to be flexible, and Cate and Ty packed up that ET doppleganger they've spawned and drove to North Carolina to hang out with the kid they gave away to a set of stable parents. The two were frustrated that Carly's parents didn't want to have a more open relationship with them. At one point, Cate ponders aloud, "Do they know how adoption works?!" at which point I audibly retorted at my TV screen, "DO
YOU KNOW HOW ADOPTION WORKS?!" Cate and Tyler continue to use adoption as an 18 year babysitting service, and expect to have full contact with their child without any of the responsibility. Completely ignoring how confusing processing the concept of adoption is for a young child, Cate and Tyler continue to put their own needs ahead of anyone elses and cry and whine about how they deserve to see their daughter and completely disrupt the stable life she's been living. Before leaving for their trip, Catelynn explains she shipped gifts for Carly, which I can only hope are Tierra Reign exclusives. Who knows, maybe Brendan and Theresa could use a new set of dish rags. MTV really knows how to keep us hanging, because they saved the big visit (which won't be televised because Brandon and Theresa are respectable human beings) for next week.
Farrah
Okay low key, high key, every fucking key on the scale I AM OBSESSED WITH FARRAH. I mean, has she gone overboard with the plastic surgery? Absolutely. Does she have some weird type of puppy mill of sorts going on that involves her only paying attention to one of those cute dogs and leaving the others in cages? Yes. Did she literally just cut Starburst's mane and turn it into a weave? Bitch, she might have. WHO CARES. TBH Farrah is honestly the only mom in the OG group who has shown any type of movement or growth and who also is actually a mother. This episode, Farrah has come back from
whoring working abroad, and she is genuinely excited to see Sophia and indifferent towards her father. Her rudeness does not extend, however, to Michael's girlfriend Amy, who she seems to have a close, functional relationship with. The two later go to get pedicures when Amy reveals she wants to skip out after the pedi to go bang Michael (gross). But she doesn't leave without giving Farrah some advice, urging her to maybe extend the olive branch once again to the living mid life Bratz doll, Debra. Farrah decides to take Amy's suggestion and invites Deb on a trip to Italy which Farrah plans on bankrolling. After consulting Sophia (because, who the fuck doesn't want a 7 year old's opinion on adult relationships), Farrah decides to Facetime Deb and invite her to Europe. Of course Deb accepts, because any excuse to get drunk on someone else's dime is a good one for her. Naturally, Dr. David will NOT be coming with the Abraham/Danielson clan, and Deb doesn't seem to care. Also in this episode, Michael reveals he wants to propose to Amy and Farrah is very mature and supportive. She even goes to help him pick out a ring! Aw, look, our little porn star is all grown up! Bless her heart.
My favorite Farrah-ism of the night, however, happened ON TWITTER.
Farrah and I communicated telepathically, and she tweeted all of our sentiments to her 1.27 million followers:
OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
No comments:
Post a Comment